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| Flaming Daisies is an evolving website dedicated to the development and growth of women working to overcome abuse.
We offer a peaceful helping hand through moral support, communication, education, and the sharing of talents by encouraging creative outlets.
Consider Flaming Daisies your friend. You are not alone. There is no shame.
Here you'll find empathy and a shoulder to lean on while you rediscover your inner strength and hold your head high!
April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month I am doing my part by participating in the annual FOV (Finding Our Voices) Art Show & Sale here in Colorado Springs April 9-11. FOV (at http://www.fovcosprings.org/) is a non-profit organization that sponsors this art show for survivors of sexual assault and their allies. They are dedicated to being advocates for the prevention of sexual abuse and promote "healing through art activities for sexual assault survivors". I am very proud to take part in this event. Every light we shine makes the world a brighter place! I am entering my painting "Facade" and two tapestry crochet mandalas (my latest fascination is tapestry crochet). You can view these pieces on the Poems and Inspiration page. 4/03/10
Good News! It appears that by spotlighting abuse and increasing public awareness in this country, we're making a difference! An Associated Press news story on 2/2/2010 http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35205114/ns/health-kids_and_parenting reported: "A massive new federal study documents an unprecedented and dramatic decrease in incidents of serious child abuse, especially sexual abuse." Experts hailed the findings as proof that crackdowns and public awareness campaigns had made headway. An estimated 553,000 children suffered physical, sexual or emotional abuse in 2005-06, down 26 percent from the estimated 743,200 abuse victims in 1993, the study found." "There's much more public awareness and public intolerance around child abuse now," said Linda Spears, the Child Welfare League of America's vice president for public policy. "It was a hidden concern before — people were afraid to talk about it if it was in their family." This is fascinating information. It reinforces the fact that those cruel and sick individuals who feel the need to control and abuse others are less likely to pursue their exploits when it becomes more difficult for them to keep it a dirty little secret. I will not play down the fact that over a half a million children still suffered abuse in 2005-06. They were horribly hurt and damaged. It is vitally important to keep spreading the word and working to help those who are in crisis situations. They need to know that is is not okay to live under oppression and to have their psyches subjugated constantly. No one has the right to "own" another person and control every aspect of their life. Please understand and pass along that severe control and abuse is never justified just because someone insists that everything must be his way and keeps hammering away with propaganda to "prove" his point. Love is not about who dominates a relationship. It is quite the opposite.
Gloria Steinem is a fascinating woman. She’ll turn 76 on March 25, 2010 and she’s still going strong! I’ve been reading up on her views and news lately because it has sadly come to my attention that there are individuals out there who really believe this intelligent and deep-thinking woman actually recanted her beliefs about feminism. Not true at all. See more about her interviews and quotes along with my opinions on the subject on the No Muse Is Good Muse page.
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| Just for February 2nd this year, I'm including this fun bit about Marty Grawhog Day, a tradition in Manitou Springs, CO that Joe King and I started in 2008. 
February 2, 2008 was the only date in our lifetime when Groundhog Day (also Candlemas, St. Brigid’s Day, the midpoint between winter solstice & spring equinox, etc. – a complicated holiday indeed) coincided with the Manitou Springs Mardi Gras parade that takes place the Saturday before Fat Tuesday each year. When we realized this amazing event was taking place, I was reminded of when I was a little girl. I thought my birthday was a national holiday and it wasn't until the next year that I found out it was really Labor Day! At least I'd had a year of feeling special anyway. I decided that when Marty, the groundhog, came out to look for his shadow he would naturally believe that the parade and festivities in Manitou were being held in his honor. Thus began the incarnation of Marty Grawhog! Each year he adorns himself in Mardi Gras beads, carries a fancy mask, dons a purple candle to signify Candlemas, and even has his own cocktail umbrella to carry in the parade! We pay homage to this plucky little fellow every year on Feb. 2nd by gathering to dress up, laugh, play music, and generally crank up the playful hilarity that everyone needs. This year, Marty’s celebration will take place in Manitou Springs starting at 4:00 pm. Joe King, the Blues Master of Plastic Mojo fame, will be there with his magic slide and musical stylings to amaze and amuse. More information about the festivities will be available at Black Cat Books in Manitou. (You can view the Official Marty Grawhog Movie on YouTube.com at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PdjZgj8kMA or just enter “grawhog” as the search term.) | |
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| Here are a couple of pics I snapped of the Grawhog Gang after our secret parade last year and of my papier mache Marty Grawhog posing prettily!  
Update: Feb. 4, 2010 Okay, it's official now. Marty Grawhog has been recognized in the press! We made it onto the front page of the Pikes Peak Bulletin: 
(too bad I blinked. Oh well, nothing is perfect!) | |
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October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month Take some time to do your part to help stop this painful 'tradition'. I've posted pictures of a new painting I've done in honor of uncovering the truth behind the facade abusers want to present to the world. You can view it on the Poems and Inspiration page.
I am striving to consolidate information and links to help educate and enlighten not only those who may be in an abusive relationship, but also anyone who knows someone in jeopardy and who wants to learn more and help. We need to break through the wall of blind, silent indifference that keeps these individuals trapped. Remember: Silence protects Violence. No one should be afraid to be themselves. | | Some definitions that may help with legal complaints about cyberstalking: Malign: To make evil, harmful, and often untrue statements about; speak evil of. Synonyms: malign, defame, traduce, vilify, asperse, slander, calumniate, libel Malign stresses malicious intent Defame suggests damage to reputation through misrepresentation Traduce connotes the resulting humiliation or disgrace Vilify pertains to open, deliberate, vicious defamation To Asperse is to spread unfavorable charges or insinuations against Slander and calumniate apply to oral expression Libel involves the communication of written or pictorial material This is a great source for info about what legally constitutes stalking: http://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/ojp/186157.pdf U.S. Dept of Justice, Report to Congress on Stalking and Domestic Violence, May 2001 Foreword, paragraph 2: “Domestic violence is about control, power, and domination. While stalking may be perpetrated by strangers, acquaintances, or current or former intimate partners, stalking is most often committed against women in the domestic violence context. When victims of domestic violence leave their abusers, abusers often stalk victims in an effort to regain control. Because of this increased risk of “separation violence,” victims fear for their lives and for the safety of their children.”
Chapter 1, pg 1: What is Cyberstalking? “Although there is no universally accepted definition of cyberstalking, the term is used in this chapter to refer to the use of the Internet, e-mail, and other electronic communication devices to stalk another person. Stalking generally involves harassing and threatening behavior that an individual engages in repeatedly, such as following a person, appearing at a person’s home or place of business, making harassing phone calls, leaving written messages or objects, or vandalizing a person’s property. Most stalking laws require the perpetrator to make a credible threat of violence against the victim. Others include threats against the victim’s immediate family, and still others require only that the alleged stalker’s course of conduct constitute an implied threat.3 While some conduct involving annoying or menacing behavior might fall short of illegal stalking, such behavior may be a precursor of stalking and violence and should be treated seriously. 3 Statutes that require a showing of a credible threat may be problematic in the prosecution of stalking cases. Stalkers often do not threaten their victims overtly or in person; rather, they engage in conduct that, when taken in context, would cause a reasonable person to fear violence. In the context of cyberstalking, a credible threat requirement would be even more problematic because the stalker, sometimes unknown to the victim, may be located a great distance away and, therefore, the threat might not be considered credible. The better approach, codified in the Federal interstate stalking statute, 18 U.S.C. § 2261A, is to prohibit conduct that places a person in reasonable fear of death or bodily injury.” | |
Click here for information about Traits and Characteristics. These are informative documents that can be opened and printed. We hope you find them useful and enlightening. | Help, Hope & Relief… Getting Involved Here’s a fun idea for anyone who wants to help get the word out that it’s okay to talk about Domestic Abuse:
Initiate a “You Don’t Own Me” party Organize a get-together where it’s okay to talk and laugh and cry about occurrences in your lives: - * Specify that it will be a place to share and not feel judged.
- * Have casual food (it doesn’t have to be anything fancy)
- * Light all those scented candles.
- * Maybe suggest people bring throw pillows to lounge on, hug, or pound on, as the case may warrant.
* Rent a feel-good movie that helps the mood along. Something like “First Wives Club”, “Chocolat”, or “The Tango Lesson”; just as long as it conveys a feeling of strength and accomplishment and makes you feel like you can identify somehow. * Create a special moment by toasting each other with statements of affirmation of what you’re going to do, even if it’s a small step. Hey, if you’re feeling bold, you can perform the toast by eating gingerbread men!
The important thing is to interact and feel comfortable about it. Make sure it is held in a safe place. You can print handouts from the Traits and Characteristics page for your guests to read and take home. Do your homework and have a list of professional counselors in your area available (look for family counseling, court-appointed domestic violence counselors, women’s shelter groups, etc). Let people know how important it is to be supportive, be a true friend, to offer a place to go where you’ll keep a change of clothes and will make help available. A group shoulder to lean on can do a world of good and make a difference in helping someone in harm’s way understand they are not alone and can make a change. Often it is much easier for a woman in peril to talk to a friend or in a casual group first before deciding she is ready to take further strides with professional and/or legal help. You may very well be the catalyst that helps someone make the brave move to freedom and safety. | |
Myth: If she does not ask for help, she must not want to leave the relationship. Fact: Battered women stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. Some of those reasons are financial dependence, children, fear of the batterer, safety issues, societal expectations, shame/humiliation, fear of retribution, low self-esteem, or lack of resources. Abuse is so ugly and has many, many tentacles that can have far-reaching effects even after the victim/survivor escapes. Conditioned responses can be very difficult to overcome but it is possible if a person can recognize the triggers and try to deal with them in a positive manner. God, that sounds so simplistic! But it's really about having the resolve to break the chain of abuse or co-dependency. | Betrayal Trauma I was thinking about the relationship between denial & memory loss and Stockholm Syndrome and did a bit of research into betrayal. As a result, I found a very interesting and informative webpage: http://dynamic.uoregon.edu/~jjf/defineBT.html that deals with and explains Betrayal Trauma Theory. What I found most pertinent was the fact that when a person such as a child is in an abusive situation initiated by the caregiver, the victim quite often has a tendency to pull away and repress the memories of the abuse in order to survive. This also relates to Stockholm Syndrome. I urge you to read the article. It's very good food for thought. | |
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| National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) http://www.ndvh.org/ | |
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| Helpful Links | A National Directory of Emergency Crisis Hotlines and Helplines by State: http://www.findcounseling.com/help/hotlines/ | | Tip: Stalkers may make it a practice to listen in on cordless phone conversations with a radio scanner. Please use a wired phone for private conversations and any phone transaction where you give out sensitive information like your credit card number. This is a great link to learn more about how to protect yourself: http://http://www.privacyrights.org/fs/fs2-wire.htm | | State by state legal resource for info about domestic violence covering internet safety, miltary issues, safety planning and just about everything else you can think of http://www.womenslaw.org |
| | | | | | Visit my A portion of each sale is donated to TESSA in Colorado Springs, CO | | | | |
| | | | | 2009 is here and Flaming Daisies has expanded to another "shop"! Visit me at www.flamingdaisies.etsy.com or at the new shop www.ecofeltasia.etsy.com Etsy is a wonderful concept: a community of creative artisans together in a place for buying and selling all things handmade and/or vintage items at least 20 years old. There are truly treasures to be found there and I am proud to be a member! | | | | |
| | This is an important CD by Fairlight Moriah, produced by Joe King of Plastic Mojo Productions. Her voice is a powerful musical presence as she turns her experiences into moving song lyrics. "Her agony over a failed marriage produced “Cryin’ over You Again”, which still causes the ex-husband to cringe if he catches her act; “Desperation Blues” describes a period of financial woe with her family, but more importantly her determination to keep her head above the water and her 'face to the light'." Her style is earthy and personal and always reflects her optimism. You can hear samples and get more info on Plastic Mojo Productions. Give her a listen! Also, through collaboration with Plastic Mojo, Joe King has generously consented for Flaming Daisies to sell 'Soldier, My Brother' at the discounted price of $8.00 to help support our cause. Check out the Music page of the Online store for more!
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